Would the Conversation Change?

If a woman were in charge,

do you think we’d still be pretending

the family court system is neutral?

Or would we finally start talking about

gender bias on the bench?

The fact that most family court judges are men,

and how the courtroom, still shaped by patriarchy,

often confuses compliance with credibility

and overlooks the protective instincts of a mother as conflict.

Would we finally name what so many survivors already know?

Men who fight for custody often win.

But what we don’t talk about

is who’s fighting for survival,

and who’s weaponizing the system.

The majority of family court judges are men.

And too often, motherhood is put on trial

while abuse is minimized or erased.

Post-separation abuse is real.

So is litigation abuse.

That when a mother protects her child,

she's seen as combative.

But when a father pushes for custody,

he’s seen as committed.

Yes, statistics favor the father when he shows up.

But let’s talk about who has to fight harder just to be heard.

Let’s talk about how survivors lose custody

not because they’re unfit—

but because they’re afraid.

Because they speak out.

Because they break silence.

Because they name the harm.

This isn’t mother vs. father.

It’s truth vs. performance.

Power vs. protection.

And a system that still hasn’t learned

to tell the difference.

April 4, 2025