LOVING SOMEONE WITH PTSD

Boundaries | Safety | Support

Navigating the Journey Together

PTSD is a serious mental health condition caused by experiencing or witnessing trauma such as abuse, disaster, accidents or combat. Loving someone with PTSD poses its own set of challenges as effects can be far reaching, straining relationships, making communication and intimacy difficult and sometimes leaving family members feeling helpless, isolated or overwhelmed. You might feel pushed away and unsure if you’re doing the right thing.

Despite these challenges, your support is vital. While it’s not always easy, your patience, understanding and encouragement can make a profound difference in your loved one’s healing journey. Remember, PTSD is not a sign of weakness, and recovery is possible. Stand strong, educate yourself and know that hope and healing are real.

What Helps?

Just be present. Sit with them in silence if needed.

Be consistent — trust and safety build over time.

Offering to help with everyday tasks and small tangible things like meals or watching the kids helps to reduce stress. Even better if you can help them create and maintain routine.

Respect their need for space and boundaries while encouraging social connection at their own pace.

Communication Tips:

Offer patient, non-judgemental support.

Listen when they are ready to talk but do not pressure them.

Validate their feelings, “that sounds really hard, I’m glad you told me.”

Say what you see, not what you assume, “You seem overwhelmed, I’m here if you want to talk or need some company.”

I always recommend asking them what they need, “do you want advice, help, or for me to just listen?”

Remember, It’s Not Personal

Their withdrawals, outbursts, or shutdowns are often trauma responses — not a reflection of how they feel about you. They may dissociate or go numb, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. PTSD impacts the nervous system. Responses are often automatic, not intentional. Meet them where they are.

Crisis Awareness

PTSD can feel overwhelming and isolating and sometimes the pain may feel unbearable. Self harm and suicidal thoughts are signs that someone needs immediate help and that does not make them weak or a failure.

Here are some signs to look out for:

• Talking about being a burden or feeling hopeless

• Giving away possessions

• Withdrawal from everything they usually care about.

• Self harm or mention of it

In an Emergency:

Call 988: Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Call 911: If there is immediate danger and request a mentalhealth trained officer if available.

Resources for Loved Ones:

NAMI: Family Support Groups

Books:

✦ The Body Keeps The Score —Bessel van der Kolk

✦ Loving Someone with PTSD—Aphrodite Matsakis

Boundaries Go Both Ways

For them: They need space to heal, but not freedom from accountability and certainly not abuse or abandonment. It’s okay to say, “I want to support you, but I can’t be yelled at or disrespected.” For you: Respect their boundaries and you’re allowed to need space, rest, and emotional safety. You can love someone and still say, “I need a break to care for myself.”

Closing Words

You are not responsible for their healing — but your love can be a powerful part of it. Boundaries are love. Listening is love. And showing up again and again — even imperfectly — makes a difference. You’re doing better than you think.

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